How Do We Define a Happy Life?
Today I wanted to kick off a new series all about the idea of authenticity. That’s what this show is all about, and I figured I haven’t exactly spoken to it. I ask my guests about it, but I wanted to dive in and unpack it over a handful of episodes.
A complicated idea
To kick off, I wanted to talk about authenticity on the broadest level, because this idea of following a path in your life where you have a life of your own making is a very, very complicated one. When I set out to do it 10–15 years ago, I thought it would be really simple: figure it out, get there, be happy. What I found is that this is the most difficult but most important process of my life. So I want to break down for you what’s worked, what hasn’t worked, and what I’ve learned over those years.
How do we define a life that makes us happy?
Essentially, everyone wants to make good choices that lead to a life that works out in the end. We make a bunch of choices: who to marry, what city to live in, what foods we eat. But what does it mean to make a lot of choices that create a life you’re eventually happy about? The problem becomes how we define a life that makes us happy, and how to make the choices that land us there.
You may try to define your life by looking to friends, family or trusted mentors for the answers. But the only person who can tell you what you want is you. Within all of us is a deeper wisdom that knows what we want, but most of us railroad right over that wisdom in favor of a life that “makes sense,” meets other people’s approval, or gives us the hope of fame or fortune.
When a successful life isn’t yours
I was that person. I followed the advice of others and picked a life that wasn’t of my own making. I knew it could bring financial freedom, and that was amazing. But I knew in the moment I was making the decision that it wasn’t what I wanted. I rationalized it because it made a ton of sense, and I was successful. The worst part was, I was successful. I built a business and sold it to a Fortune 500 company. I was an executive in a business of 27,000 employees. But in my heart, at every moment, I knew this wasn’t the life for me. So even though it made sense and met the approval of so many people, I wasn’t happy.
What happened was that I made choices from an inauthentic place and I didn’t know it. I made choices that spoke to my logical, analytic mind. It made sense, but it just wasn’t right for me.
Where do your choices come from?
Decision after decision, we create a life. Some decisions are small, like “Where do I want to eat dinner?” Some are bigger, like “What relationship do I want to be in? What career do I want to have?” The deciding factor in what creates not momentary happiness but a long-term sense of contentment, freedom, joy and satisfaction is asking yourself: Where do my choices come from? Do they come from approval? Fear? Judgements that lead to resentment, anger and sadness? Or do they come from my truth?
It’s that simple: make choices from your truth and you’ll build a life, choice by choice, that you love. The question is how. How do I find that deeper wisdom, that truth we all have within us, and start trusting it to make choices from that space?
You won’t always get it right
I don’t always get it right. Life is stressful and can be really challenging. The pressure to pay the bills and competing demands of family and children can wear you down, and you can make decisions out of fear. That’s okay. Once you learn to tell the difference and know how to get back to that deeper wisdom when you’ve lost your way, you can course-correct and come back to building a life that’s meant for you. I still get off course, but the time between the decision that took me off track and course-correcting is a lot shorter. I don’t wake up two, three or four years later wondering, “How did I get here?”
The five steps in this series
- Awareness. Without it you cannot start this process. We’ll talk about breath, your body and the signals it gives you.
- Total personal responsibility. Removing blame completely and making personal responsibility your life model.
- Ditching the victim mindset. Recognising that you have a choice in every moment.
- Taking action from your truth. Life is an endless iteration: take action, iterate, pivot, keep going.
- Learning who you are through action. Without blame, without victimhood and with awareness, you start to locate your inner wisdom and find your talents and joys.
Finally, living your authentic life: once you know where that space is and trust yourself again, life keeps moving and creating new challenges. So how do you navigate through the storm?
Frequently asked questions
How do you define a happy life?
Laura argues that only you can define it. A lasting sense of contentment comes from making choices from your truth rather than from approval, fear or judgement.
What are the five steps to an authentic life?
Awareness, total personal responsibility, ditching the victim mindset, taking action from your truth, and learning who you are through that action.
What if I make choices out of fear?
It happens. What matters is learning to recognise the difference so you can course-correct sooner.
The series
This episode is part of Laura’s five-part series on living an authentic life: 1. Awareness Re-Defined · 2. Radical Responsibility · 3. How to Make Choices That Matter · 4. How to Live Your Truth · 5. Why Living Your Truth Takes Daily Practice. It starts with How Do We Define a Happy Life?
Go deeper into these ideas in Laura Coe’s books.
Terri Cole: The Real Love Revolution
In this episode of Art of Authenticity I had a thoughtful conversation with Terri Cole, a psychotherapist, meditation expert,and founder of the Real Love Revolution.
Terri is a licensed New York based psychotherapist, a meditation expert, and founder of the Real Love Revolution. For two decades, she has worked with some of the most well-known personalities from international pop stars, athletes, Broadway performers, TV personalities, and Fortune 500 CEO’s.She empowers over 100,000 women weekly through her published articles, blog posts, therapeutic meditations, courses, and her incredible podcast filled with insane guests, Hello Freedom podcast. Definitely, check it out. For you podcasters out there, I’m sure you’ll love it.
Thanks for Listening
Again, thank you so much for your support! Please
if you haven’t already!
Show Notes
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Who is Terri Cole? [00:26]
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‘The Real Love Revolution’ and Terri’s perspective on why people who are successful don’t feel love/happiness [03:12]
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What inspired Terri to create ‘The Real Love Revolution’ [03:23]
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Where do you learn what love looks like? [05:43]
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How unsolved issues affect our relationships [08:27]
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How to change the way you are in relationships | Pillar #1 [09:28]
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Pillar #2 [10:50]
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How she decided what she would do with clients [11:43]
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Pillar #3 [16:34]
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Pillar #4 [17:26]
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Where is the toxicity residing and what happens if its unpacked properly [21:05]
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How do you identify the difference between needs being met vs learned ideas of love? [21:39]
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Desire Map by Danielle LaPorte [22:28]
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How to tell your partner that he is not fulfilling needs [25:49]
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Pillar #5 [30:49]
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Bonus Pillar [30:55]
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How to balance 5 love languages when one partner likes one but the other partner doesn’t [32:09]
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Types of singles [44:25]
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Survey results [44:46]
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Things to look at besides ‘family of origin’ [45:59]
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3 attachment styles [46:13]
More About Terri Cole
Episode Resources
From Awareness to Action
If you're out there right now and you have a concern that something isn't where you want it to be, you might ask yourself, "What do I want?"And when you ask that simple question, you immediately start getting this horrible, stressful, anxious feeling. "I don't know what I want." Or, "I try different things, but I can't quite figure it out." Or, "I know what I want, but I'm just so stressedout with the finances, or time, or fear that I can't take action."In this episode, we're talking about how to take the first steps in getting rid of those three obstacles and building a life that's really from your truth. One that's choice after choice designed for you and a life that you love.Thanks for ListeningAgain, thank you so much for your support! Please subscribe to the podcast on iTunes if you haven't already!Episode Resources
Alexi Panos & Preston Smiles: Your Epic Life in Five Steps
In this episode of Art of Authenticity I had a thoughtful conversation with Alexi Panos and Preston Smiles, the founders of The Bridge Method and authors of the upcoming book, Now or Never.As founders of the groundbreaking Bridge Method (which includes their live workshops, and various online training programs), they have created a movement of transformation that has taken humanity by storm through their unique and passion-filled approach to sharing age old wisdom.Using social media as a main source of connection and distribution of their lively educational videos, they’ve built an incredible tribe of loyal fans around the globe who aren’t just inspired by their work, but are empowered by it.
Thanks for Listening
Again, thank you so much for your support! Please
if you haven’t already!
Show Notes
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The idea behind their book, Now or Never [02:50]
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The first step to an epic life [04:45]
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Your "condition tendencies" [07:40]
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Letting go of right and wrong [08:40]
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How everyone has a backpack [10:02]
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Why compassion is the core [13:42]
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Why it's so interesting to peel back on your identity and see what you find [16:45]
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How Alexi and Preston's backstories led to the emergent wisdom movement [21:20]
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How they keep themselves from making inauthentic choices [31:40]
More About Alexi and Preston
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Their upcoming book, Now or Never
Episode Resources
Contribution and Cultivating Your Talents
Today we're going to talk about cultivating your talents, learning how to love what is unique about you, recognizing it, and trying to cultivate that specific skill and give it out to the world. Most of us look around at what other people are doing and wish that we were cultivating their talents, living their life.How do you learn to love what you do and give it out to the world so that they can get the value of what is special and unique about you?Thanks for ListeningAgain, thank you so much for your support! Please subscribe to the podcast if you haven’t already!Episode Resources
Matt Aaron: Money, Pressure, and Passion
In this episode of Art of Authenticity I had a thoughtful conversation with Matt Aaron, the cofounder of Andes Fruits and creator of the Food Startups Podcast. Matt Aaron is a food entrepreneur, cofounding Andes Fruits in Colombia. They ship exotic Colombian fruits to the United States. He's also the creator of the Food Startups Podcast, a show dedicated to demystifying the confusing food business.But he wanted to talk about something else today - money, pressure, and passion. More importantly, how do you balance these three forces in your life in a way that's truly authentic to you? It's not easy, and Matt's not claiming to have all of the answers, but he certainly has some interesting insight that I think you'll enjoy.
Thanks for Listening
Again, thank you so much for your support! Please
if you haven’t already!
Show Notes
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Matt's background and what inspired him to become an entrepreneur [2:20]
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The background on his podcast, The Food Startups Podcast [5:50]
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How the reception has been to his podcast [08:17]
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Why he wanted to talk about money, pressure, and passion [09:45]
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Dispelling myths about passion [12:40]
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How to balance money vs. passion [15:01]
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Balancing the pressure of business with life [18:02]
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The power of journaling and digital detoxes [23:33]
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Balancing your current business success with your future goals [25:10]
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How Matt defines authenticity [28:30]
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His big turning point moments [30:02]
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The last time he was almost inauthentic and caught himself [32:18]
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Matt's daily practices [35:24]
More About Matt
Episode Resources
Henna Inam: Wired for Authenticity
In this episode of Art of Authenticity I had a thoughtful conversation with Henna Inam, a sought-after leadership speaker and the author of Wired for Authenticity.Henna Inam is a sought after speaker, successful author, and CEO of Transformational Leadership Inc. Her unique workshops, tools, and online community help managers create innovative, engaged teams that drive measurable results.Henna and her global partner team work with Fortune 500 companies to deliver executive coaching, leadership development, and team workshops. Clients include Coca-Cola, Google, Johnson & Johnson, Novartis, CNN, and Bank of America. Prior to starting her company, Henna worked for 20 years at Procter & Gamble and Novartis. She has lived or worked across North America, Europe, Asia, and Africa.
Thanks for Listening
Again, thank you so much for your support! Please
if you haven’t already!
Show Notes
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Henna's background [03:15]
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How she transitioned from her corporate life into coaching [04:45]
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Why she chose the word authenticity [10:40]
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Why authenticity is not about being rigid [15:05]
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Why staying curious matters [17:20]
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Why the physical body is a cue to authenticity [19:29]
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Why you must discover the values that are important to you [27:45]
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What someone who is just starting out can do to be more authentic [31:35]
More About Henna
Episode Resources
How to Break Through to Your Truth
Today, I’m responding to an email I received from Liana, I hope I didn’t butcher the name too much, Liana. She wrote in and said she was a fan of the show — thank you so much — and that she was wondering if I would share my experience in helping and guiding others to shape their authentic life. “What is it been like for you and what is challenging and rewarding?”I love this question because really at the heart of this question is a much deeper conversation about what gets in our way when we are thinking about what we want, when our life isn’t exactly where we want it to be often, our life as you know from all the people I interviewed on the podcast, it’s really more of a journey and as much as you find something that makes you happy six months from now, six years from now, you may wake up and realize you need to make some more changes.So my clients often come to me in that place. They don’t know what’s off or they recognize that they want to change their career but they can’t figure out why it’s so difficult to answer a simplequestion of what they want, what they want to see different, where they want to go, what’s the next steps? Getting real of themselves, determining what’s going on, it somehow gets all muddled and they get stuck, right? We start to feel stuck.Thanks for ListeningAgain, thank you so much for your support! Please subscribe to the podcast if you haven’t already!Episode Resources
Marie Wiese: Mastering Old School Marketing in a Digital Era
In this episode of Art of Authenticity I had a thoughtful conversation with Marie Wiese, the CEO of Marketing Copilot and author of You Can't Be Everywhere.Marie is a long-time marketing professional who has a unique view on marketing, both offline and online. She helps companies build digital marketing engines that drive leads and sales.This conversation with Marie was eye-opening for me. Having just jumped into the online game about a year ago, I know as well as anyone else how overwhelming it can be to try to make sense of all of the channels, strategies, and tactics.She's able to shine a light on marketing a business online in a way that actually makes sense, because at her company Marketing Copilot she practices what she calls "evidence-based marketing." That means she uses actual data to come to conclusions about marketing. If you're someone who is struggling to make sense of how to approach your marketing, this episode is a must-listen for you.
Thanks for Listening
Again, thank you so much for your support! Please
if you haven’t already!
Show Notes
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A brief history of Marie's career in marketing and communications [02:55]
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What she thinks the #1 misconception about online marketing is [05:00]
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How to combat overwhelm when starting to market online [06:28]
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How to track your progress to make sure you're on the right track [08:35]
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How to get into the details and make your marketing more effective [11:4o]
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A story about chinese restaurants and marketing [13:30]
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What the point of resistance is for most people [16:02]
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The details behind Content Copilot method [20:15]
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How far a customer is through the buying process before you even speak to them [24:40]
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What an authentic life means to Marie [30:10]
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How she remade her life [36:50]
More About Marie
Episode Resources
The Value of Daily Celebration
Today I wanted to share a story with you. I got onto a coaching call with a client last week and I was talking to her about a situation and I literally said to her, “I feel like everybody can relate and everybody would benefit from this conversation we’re having.”So I’m going to do my best to re-enact exactly what went down between the two of us. It went something like this: she called me up, she told me,:
“I was working on a project for the last two and a half years and I got to the end of the project and I noticed that the celebration that I was hoping for, that feeling that I was after, that sense of accomplishment, that jump for joy crack open champagne sense that I think we all buy into exists at the end of a very, very, very long process it didn’t happen.”
Now she and I have talked about this many times. We had talked about the importance of celebrating the small wins, and by that I mean every time you check off something from your list, you take a moment just to appreciate and enjoy that fact that you’ve finished yet another thing. Every accomplishment in and of itself becomes an exciting moment. Not champagne popping excitement, but truly genuinely a positive moment so that you are not waiting to celebrate your life until the end of a three-four year project or when you have a child or when there’s a wedding or some major event in your life.Thanks for ListeningAgain, thank you so much for your support! Please subscribe to the podcast if you haven’t already!Episode Resources