Carlos Mendiola

How Being a People Pleaser Leads to Rejection

Have you ever thought that in the very act of trying to please to avoid rejection, you have already experienced the rejection you fear?

The people-pleasing paradox

It is a paradox. I don’t want to be rejected, so I try to please. But in the very act, I experience the feeling of rejection.

A conversation with Mike Bundrant

Join Laura Coe in a chat with Mike Bundrant of the iNLP Center to hear more.

Frequently asked questions

Why does people pleasing lead to rejection?

Because in the very act of trying to please to avoid rejection, you already experience the feeling of rejection you fear.

Who is the guest in this episode?

Mike Bundrant of the iNLP Center.

Related episodes

• Mike Bundrant: Overcome the Hidden Cause of Self-Sabotage
• Are You Afraid That You Will Be Self-Absorbed If You Tell the Truth?
• What Authenticity Is NOT

by Carlos Mendiola

Khe Hy: Why Fear Doesn't Matter When Making A Change

In this episode of Art of Authenticity, I had a thoughtful conversation with Khe Hy, former hedge fund partner turned writer. 

Thanks for Listening

Again, thank you so much for your support! Please subscribe to the podcast if you haven’t already!

Show Notes

• Hear Khe’s story of how he got pulled into investment banking, working 16 hour work days, six days a week. [3:05]
• Find out how Khe’s childhood mindset of being a hard worker influenced his motivation to stay on at a soul-sucking job. [6:58]
• Khe shares his decision process of deciding to leave a high-level, high-paying job. [13:07]
• Hear as Khe shares about the emotions he felt after walking away from his career. [16:33]
• Discover why the first question everyone asked Khe after he left his job was concerning his health insurance. [19:08]
• Understand how to reconcile the fear of being ashamed and the fear of being broke. [21:39]
• Learn more about Rad Reads and how Khe integrates his passions into the topics he writes about. [26:09]
• Khe shares about where he gets his inspiration from for his blog, and how he shares more on his blog than to those close to him. [30:01]
• Hear the story of Khe’s TEDx Talk experience, and how the “new” Khe only practiced for 15 minutes. [40:06]
• Find out what an authentic life means to Khe, and the daily practices he implements to stay in his truth. [57:04]

More About Khe

• RadReads — https://radreads.co/

• Khe on Quartz — https://qz.com/author/khyqz/

• Khe on Twitter — https://twitter.com/khemaridh

• Magic: The Gathering — http://magic.wizards.com/en

• Bonfire of the Vanities — http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0099165/

• Naval Ravikant — https://twitter.com/naval

• The Denial of Death by Ernest Becker — https://www.amazon.com/Denial-Death-Ernest-Becker

• The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck by Mark Manson — https://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062457713

Episode Resources

• Download the MP3
• AOA - Khe Hy Show Notes

by Carlos Mendiola

Perfection in the Midst of Chaos

I’m going to take another question from someone who wrote in. I have an email here from Dave. Dave writes in and talks about how he is working really hard to live in his truth. Awesome Dave, very happy for you on that. He goes on to say that while he’s living in his truth, he is more aware of how much he dislikes his job. This awareness is driving him crazy and he would like to not feel this way, any advice?When you live in your truth, when you start to get the awareness of how you really feel, what’s really happening in your life, with that comes this level of clarity but that clarity doesn’t always tell us the things that we want to hear. Unfortunately, sometimes it just gets us more clear that we don’t like our job, more clear that the relationship we’re in is not working for us. More clear that we don’t like our apartment or the city we’re in or whatever it is, we start to get clear.Because normally, we have discomfort and we ignore it, we justify it, we have come up with great rationalizations, right? “I’m paid really well, my boss is super cool, the team is interesting, I’m doing impactful work.” Nonetheless, if all of those things are true, I still hate my job but I’m going to give myself all these reasons to deny my truth.In doing so, we think there’s something wrong with us. We say, “I just don’t know what my problem is, I’m not happy, I don’t feel so great, I’m just discontent in my life. Maybe I’m just somebody who is never going to be happy?” The good news is, is when you move it over and you get truthful and it starts to show up in the actual areas of your life that are a problem, it comes off of you and that inner dialogue that there’s just something randomly wrong with you starts to ease up. But it gets switched over to the actual problem in your life.Here's how to handle it.

by Carlos Mendiola

Caroline Webb: How To Have a Good Day

In this episode of Art of Authenticity, I had a thoughtful conversation with Caroline Webb author of, How to Have a Good Day.

Today on the podcast we have Caroline Webb joining us. Caroline is the CEO of Sevenshift, a firm that shows people how to use insights from behavioral science to improve their working life. Previously, Caroline worked for 12 years in management consulting for McKinsey and Company where she became a partner and co-founded McKinsey’s leadership practice. Prior to that, Caroline worked in public policy as an economist at the Bank of England, working on global economic forecasting and institution building in post-communist eastern Europe.

In this episode, we had an incredibly cool, detailed conversation. I honestly did not even know where to start with this amazing human being, who is absolutely filled with information on the latest science on how you can use what is being said into your personal life.

Caroline also has a new book called How to Have a Good Day, which has been hailed as one of the “top must-read business books of 2016” by both Inc. and Forbes.

We had a great conversation filled with so much amazing knowledge that she shared with us. So check out the interview and go buy her book. You will definitely get a lot of incredible value

Thanks for Listening

Again, thank you so much for your support! Please subscribe to the podcast if you haven’t already!

Show Notes

• Hear the story of how Caroline made the change from working as a management consultant to founding her own firm, Sevenshift. [2:55]

• Caroline shares how she prepared to make the switch to entrepreneurship by focusing in on who she was without the McKinsey brand. [5:10]

• Find out why Caroline titled her book, How to Have a Good Day and not a “great” day. [8:03]

• Understand the importance of breaking down big lofty goals to avoid disappointment and reinforce positive outcomes. [9:11]

• Discover why Caroline believes and authentic life is about living a life that’s driven from the inside, not the outside. [12:55]

• Learn how small experiments in your everyday life are often the foundation for testing out bigger choices. [18:03]

• Caroline shares the story of how her high school culture shaped her ability to read the room and work with diverse groups. [21:05]

• Discover the concept of “affect labeling” and how naming your emotions can allow your brain to relieve the stress of it. [31:04]

• Find how to embrace your body’s chemical response to stress and learn from the situation rather than fearing it. [36:03]

• Learn about the importance of finding out how much sleep you need to perform at your optimum level and live your best life. [38:46]

More About Caroline

• Caroline Webb — http://carolinewebb.co/

• Caroline’s book, How to Have a Good Day — https://www.amazon.com/How-Have-Good-Day-Behavioral/dp/0553419633

Episode Resources

• Download the MP3

• AOA - Caroline Show Notes

by Carlos Mendiola

Authentic Rituals - Find Systems That Work For You

Do you listen to other podcasts that suggest regiments? Do you read blog posts? Do you study the behavioral habits of anybody that you admire and try to figure out what they do? Have you read books on how to hack life and get the edge?If you’ve done any of these things, then you’ve probably got a list of things that are on your "should" list. What I mean by that is “I should get up at 5 AM and go jogging because I read that jogging in the morning is really effective to start your day." "I should have a healthy breakfast to start my day and have a kale smoothie." "I should read more books, I should read at least four books a month and the book should be a certain quality." "I should go to bed at a certain time, sleep a certain amount of hours, I should drink amount of water per day. I should have a healthy diet."The issue to me isn’t that one can’t take an interest in the various things in the world and all of their benefits. The problem is that when we look at a bunch of people or different sources and we start to cherry pick them, put them together into one really long laundry list of should’s. Things we should do that we read or seen that we believe will help us because we want to feel better in our lives and we’ve decided that these things are going to get us there.We also want success and we believe that these people who have had success, who are telling us that these are the things they’ve done in their lives, it’s really a good idea to just imitate a lot of what they do to get there.

by Carlos Mendiola

Danielle LaPorte: White Hot Truth: Clarity for Keeping it Real on Your Spiritual Path from One Seeker to Another

In this episode of The Art of Authenticity, Laura Coe talks with Danielle LaPorte, author of White Hot Truth: Clarity for Keeping It Real on Your Spiritual Path from One Seeker to Another.

About Danielle LaPorte

Danielle is also the author of The Fire Starter Sessions and The Desire Map. She was invited to be a member of Oprah Winfrey’s inaugural Super Soul 100 and is known for her daily #truthbombs. She runs a multimillion-dollar company, and she is all about keeping it real.

What the conversation covers

Laura and Danielle dive into her background, how she ended up getting fired from her own company, how she picked herself up, how she went from 60 subscribers on her email list to a multimillion-dollar business, and the inspiration for White Hot Truth.

Show Notes

• Hear Danielle’s story of how she got fired from the company that she founded in the first place. [4:07]

• Learn how to overcome that inner voice that tries to silence you from speaking out. [9:30]

• Discover how Danielle started over with only 60 subscribers and launched her Fire Starter Sessions. [14:26]

• Hear the “unglamorous” reality of signing a book deal, pulling back the myths of what it is really like. [18:37]

• Find out why Danielle’s primary goal is to give as much light to as many people as possible. [22:44]

• Understand how Danielle is able to blend her artist side with her strategic side to build her brand. [27:39]

• Discover Danielle’s motivation and inspiration for her new book, White Hot Truth. [30:05]

• Hear the story of the Dalai Lama’s perception of self-hatred and why it is not part of the human condition. [32:32]

• Learn about Danielle’s perspective on suffering, and how it comes down to the journey of your soul. [35:19]

• Danielle shares what success means to her, and why freedom is her main driver for living an authentic life. [39:37]

More About Danielle

• Danielle’s Website — http://www.daniellelaporte.com/

• The Fire Starter Sessions — http://www.daniellelaporte.com/store/shop/books/the-fire-starter-sessions-paperback.html

• The Desire Map — http://www.daniellelaporte.com/store/shop/books/the-desire-map-book-new.html

• NEW BOOK White Hot Truth: Clarity for Keeping It Real on Your Spiritual Path from One Seeker to Another — https://www.amazon.com/White-Hot-Truth-Clarity-Spiritual/dp/0997651407

And Even More

• Sneak peek of one of the Chapters! Listen to and download the full written and audio Chapter about forgiveness here. (it's totally free, no opt-in required)

• Pre-order here

Frequently asked questions

What is White Hot Truth about?

Clarity for keeping it real on your spiritual path. Danielle shares her inspiration for the book in this episode (around 30:05).

What does success mean to Danielle LaPorte?

She shares that freedom is her main driver for living an authentic life.

Related episodes

• Danielle LaPorte: How to Be Loving
• JP Sears: How to Be Ultra-Spiritual

by Carlos Mendiola

4 Step Breathing Technique to Do Anywhere

Yoga teacher and friend Amy Owen joined Laura Coe to record a four-part breathing technique that you can do anywhere in less than one minute.

When to use it

Stress? Overwhelm? Big decisions? Take a moment to practice this technique to find calm, space and freedom whenever you desire.

Frequently asked questions

How long does the technique take?

Less than one minute.

Who leads the practice?

Yoga teacher Amy Owen, with Laura Coe.

Related episodes

• Improve Your Mood with Pranayama
• Amy Owen: Feel Better in Minutes
• Amy Owen: How You Can Change Your Life Just By Changing Your Breath

by Carlos Mendiola

Amy Owen: Feel Better in Minutes

In this episode of Art of Authenticity I had a thoughtful conversation with Amy Owen, Yoga teacher, dula, fashion model, and good friend.Many of you have written in and talked about stress, a sense of overwhelm, and a feeling that life has just got a lot going on and you’re trying to handle it all. I got to talking to my friend Amy Owen who teaches yoga here in Chicago at Yoga View Studio. Amy is somebody who I met in my yoga teacher training program, a dear friend of mine for about a decade now. She is somebody who has been meditating for 30 years now and she fell in love with yoga in 1994.Amy signed up for a meditation retreat in 1986 after learning that the Beatles had been touting its benefits a generation earlier. In 1994 she found herself on a meditation retreat in Nepal, where she discovered and fell for yoga. Since then, Amy has studied a variety of yoga forms around the world including Ashtanga, Iyengar and Vinyasa flow. Her individual teaching style combines these with a focus on breath awareness and alignment.On the podcast today, she is bringing in small things that you can do right now, in your car, in your bed before you fall asleep at night, or when you wake up. All little techniques that you can do quickly on the floor.If you are looking for a quick fix, stress relief today that you can apply to help take that edge off, feel a little bit better, feel a little more connected to get that process, today is your show. Plus, we hear the story of how Amy went from being a fashion model since the age of 13, before she decided to leave to have her three children and then later went into becoming a yoga teacher. Stay tuned to hear Amy’s real, and practical advice.

Thanks for Listening

Again, thank you so much for your support! Please subscribe to the podcast if you haven’t already!

Show Notes

• Hear how Amy started her career in modeling as a hand model at age 13. [4:06]

• Amy shares about the detrimental impact that her unusually long modeling career had on her self-esteem. [7:50]

• When Amy first started meditating and discovered eastern philosophy and Buddhism. [11:08]

• Discover how meditation had always been a subtext of Amy’s life. [13:54]

• Understand why being a model was never something Amy truly identified with, and how she has discovered her authentic self in yoga. [15:01]

• Learn why Amy’s approach to a new thing is to start small in order to truly be successful. [18:28]

• Find out why focusing on your breath truly makes you happy and how you can shift how you feel by shifting your breathing. [31:35]

• Hear Amy’s breathing technique for centering yourself and being truly present. [35:02]

• Discover what an authentic life means to Amy and how it starts from the inside out. [46:20]

More About Amy

• Amy Owen Yoga — http://amyowenyoga.com/

• Amy Owen Yoga Retreats — http://amyowenyoga.com/retreats/

• YogaView — http://yogaview.com/

• Viparita Karani — http://www.yogajournal.com/pose/legs-up-the-wall-pose/

• Supta Baddha Konasana — http://www.yogajournal.com/pose/reclining-bound-angle-pose/

Episode Resources

• Download the MP3

• AOA - Amy Owen

by Carlos Mendiola

Reclaim Your Success, Kick out the Impostor Voice

Today I wanted to talk about the dreaded imposter syndrome. If there’s anything that I think causes people to feel that inner sense of discomfort and then shame, it’s that imposter voice.

What the imposter voice is

Imposter voice is the voice within you that tells you that no matter how much success you are having, you’re secretly not enough. I have known people who are so successful. If you saw what they have done on paper, you would say, “That person’s got to feel amazing!” But they don’t feel they are enough, despite the evidence.

Why success doesn’t silence it

Just because we succeed, we have success, we have all the boxes checked, just because things look a certain way doesn’t mean they’ll feel as good. So we go after that next award, we go after that bestselling book, we try to get the promotion at work, we launch a business, we work so hard, we see a future where we feel better.

Postponing feeling good

We may even have an image of ourselves walking around relaxed in the future. Maybe we think retirement is when we’re going to feel good. Any way in which you are putting off feeling good today for the future, that feeling that “when I get there, when I check these boxes, I will feel good,” you’ve bought into your impostor voice. You are accepting you are not enough today.

What if it’s not true?

I bought into this. I literally think it’s an epidemic, but what if it’s not true?

Frequently asked questions

What is imposter syndrome?

The voice within you that says that, no matter how much success you have, you’re secretly not enough.

Why doesn’t success make the imposter voice go away?

Because checking the boxes doesn’t mean things will feel as good, so we keep chasing the next goal and postpone feeling good to the future.

How do you know you’ve bought into the imposter voice?

Whenever you put off feeling good today until you “get there” or check certain boxes.

Related episodes

• How to Stop the Disempowering Impostor Voice
• Is Your Inner Judge Destroying Your Life?
• Why You Shouldn’t Wait for Success to Celebrate

by Carlos Mendiola

Daniel Gefen: On How to Never Give Up

In this episode of Art of Authenticity I had a conversation with Daniel Gefen, entrepreneur and host of the podcast Can I Pick Your Brain. 

Thanks for Listening

Again, thank you so much for your support! Please subscribe to the podcast if you haven’t already!

Show Notes

• Hear Daniel’s story and how he negotiated himself a six-figure salary without a degree. [3:03]
• Find out how Daniel handled the downturn of 2008, and how he somehow landed in mortgage sales during it all. [6:36]
• How Daniel and his family ended up being evicted from their Spanish townhouse in California. [9:14]
• Find out how Daniel went from working in a high rise to selling milk and eggs. [13:17]
• Hear Daniel’s definitely of an entrepreneur and why he believes it is simply impossible for them to work for someone else. [16:05]
• Understand why when starting your business you have to wear all the different hats in the beginning. [16:29]
• Discover how Daniel learned that in business you cannot take things personally. [17:44]
• Find out how Daniel saved his business by outsourcing it all to one of his competitors. [26:00]
• Hear as Daniel shares his story about running his whole business from a hotel lobby, café, or sometimes poolside. [29:22]
• Find out what an authentic life means to Daniel and why what others think of him is none of his business. [36:23]
• Discover Daniel’s practices, habits, and daily rituals that keep him on track and persevere through discouragements. [37:46]

More About Daniel

• Daniel's Website — http://www.danielgefen.com

• Daniel on Twitter — https://twitter.com/@ipickbrains

• Daniel's Podcast — http://www.danielgefen.com/episodes/

• Daniel's latest business -- www.GetFeatured.com

Episode Resources

• Download the MP3
• AOA - Daniel Gefen

by Carlos Mendiola